Sunday, November 23, 2008


We at were recently graced by the typically obsessive and fearful smatter of a liberal, one who was eager to strain various lies about Palin through the cheesecloth of his/her emoticon-propelled worldview.

Here's the comment:

Let's see: Outback beauty queen becomes mayor of one-horse town, then betrays her own friends and mentors to win the Governorship of a state with a smaller population than Allegheny County, PA...which she promptly turns into a socialist fiefdom living on oil company handouts.Plus, she's a babbling idiot and a Christian bigot.Dave's got this about right. She's not a "life example" -- she's a born punchline.

In an attempt to better grasp the (admittedly empty) mindset of shrieking liberal fruitbats, we assembled a team of world-renowned "personality profilers." These top-notch professionals dissected the comment above and rendered an analysis of the individual who proffered such bilge.

Please note: Our team of profilers stress that their conclusions, while entirely hypothetical, are nevertheless scientific and likely to be 100% accurate.

"Outback beauty queen becomes mayor of one-horse town..."

PROFILER NO. 1: This opening comment indicates that its writer is severely agoraphobic, with an uncontrollable fear of both wide-open spaces and small communities. In our studies, this sort of liberal is normally encountered in Berkeley studio-apartments, surrounded by communist pamphlets, empty bottles of Xanax, moldy bongs and scattered nipple-rings.

PROFILER NO. 2: Mention of the "mayor" betokens paranoid resentment of authority, while reference to the "beauty queen" means that this liberal is, in all probability, an exceptionally ugly female.

PROFILER NO. 3: I concur--a total dog. I would also suggest that an inordinate amount of facial hair is involved, due to the wildly fluctuating estrogen-levels known to afflict liberal women. Moreover, her emphasis upon the one horse, rather than several equines, makes it likely that this liberal would not at all mind being impaled upon the member of a particularly sizeable stallion.

PROFILER NO. 1: For sure.

"...then betrays her own friends and mentors..."

PROFILER NO. 2: This is a clear projection of the liberal's own neurotic disloyalties onto a national figure. Troubled, mousy women on the Left--as if there are any other kind--have a raging need to "transfer" in this way. Facinating, really.

PROFILER NO. 3: And I'd say that this liberal clearly slept with one of her own mentors because, let's face it, only liberals need mentors, or even use the word "mentor" without laughing uncontrollably. I'd say this mentor used her and cast her aside, tossed her away like the scruffy dishrag that she is.

PROFILER NO. 1: Yes, and she loved it. It provided an opportunity for additional self-loathing and, almost certainly, the thrill of an abortion.

PROFILER NO. 2: In fact, this whole line of text tells me that she aborted the baby herself and ate it in her studio-apartment, with ramen noodles, whilst watching David Letterman.

" win the Governorship of a state with a smaller population than Allegheny County..."

PROFILER NO. 1: My, she seems awfully obsessed with size.

PROFILER NO. 3: What do you expect? Liberal women unfailingly choose to be bedded by their doughy male counterparts on the Left.

PROFILER NO. 2: Yes, it's all quite conclusive--she was pummeled in Pennsylvania by a pint-sized pinhead with a pithy penis.

"...which she promptly turns into a socialist fiefdom living on oil company handouts..."

PROFILER NO. 3: Heavens. The subject has made a complete leap into delusion, here. It's amazing to just watch it take place like this. She seems to be projecting again. In this case, the Marxist Obama platform is being confused with Palin's solid conservative government of hard-working Alaskans. What a pity. Yet, it is indeed not rare to see this sort of extreme psychosis from the Hysterical Left.

PROFILER NO. 1: Indeed. The juxtaposition of "socialist fiefdoms" and "handouts" also tells me that this hippy-chick would be quite willing to have sex with multiple partners for pay.

PROFILER NO. 2: While dressed as a charwoman.

PROFILERS 1 & 3: She's a liberal female...she'd hardly have to "dress" as a charwoman.

PROFILER NO. 2: Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. Steady on.

"...Plus, she's a babbling idiot and a Christian bigot.Dave's got this about right. She's not a "life example" -- she's a born punchline..."

PROFILER NO. 1: Well, what can you say? My diagnosis is that the liberal woman who wrote this comment frequents dilapidated coffeeshops in North Beach, San Francisco. She is fond of wearing black leggings that haven't been washed in ages. She stamps expiration-dates on bags at a potato-chip factory, but tells her friends that she is a "graphic artist." She dreams of perhaps taking a class in sociology one day, and smells vaguely of cat-piss and marijuana. Nothing too unusual, basically, for a liberal female.

PROFILER NO. 3: Yes, but what if we're wrong and it's not a female liberal at all? What if it's a male liberal? Would the bits about the horse's schlong and the charwoman outfit still be applicable?

PROFILER NO. 2: The horse and the charwoman motifs would be even more applicable, if we're talking about a liberal male.

PROFILER NO. 1: And how.

(WE at SarahPalinforPOTUS would like to thank this esteemed panel of scientific experts for its outstanding contribution to the exposition and all-around flagellation of American Liberal Thought, AKA "Communism." Join us again soon for a plethora of insightful commentary and sharp political cartoonery. In the meantime...GO, Sarah, GO! 2012 awaits and we've got your back, Governor).


Anonymous said...

You sound threatened by liberals. I'm a liberal, a stay-home-mom, a sunday-school teacher in a Christian church, a former local prosecutor. I dress in J. Crew and Ann Taylor, not unwashed black leggings! I'm relatively cute, and I don't have any facial hair! I read conservative blogs to see what you guys are saying, and I read liberal blogs to see what my guys are saying. I don't assume all conservatives are uptight, white, sanctimonious bible-thumpers who believe in a fictional Norman Rockwell version of America that never existed. You shouldn't assume you know what liberals are like, either - we're all different. Just like you are.

Daniel Archer said...

I appreciate the comment and, no, I'm not threatened by liberals. On the contrary, I'd likely be considered a person more "threatening" to them. Threats, however, should never be anyone's intention. Too much.

It's great that you peruse a variety of sources and seek to maintain a balanced, far more nuanced worldview concerning those who differ from you, politically speaking. Anyone with any sense should have that kind of awareness and, at least, maintain a dignified tolerance for other viewpoints--one that reflects the freedoms of speech, religion, right to bear arms, and so forth, upheld in our Constitution.

The reason for the "Analyzing a Liberal Comment" column, however, was rooted in satire. It's humor. Don't read too much (or too little) into it. It has been obvious to me that, during the Presdiential election campaign, liberals (or at least the ones we heard from the ~most~, thanks to the media) were engaging in the most vicious forms of stereotyping and ad hominem attacks possible against Gov. Palin, in particular.

I found this hypocrisy to be most unfortunate, but also quite telling, coming as it was from a wing of the American political landscape that prides itself upon extraordinary open-mindedness and tolerance of those who are "different." Right.

In any event, the column was written as a satirical reflection of that promulgated hypocrisy, but also (clearly, though in a lesser sense) as a means of scathing rebuttal.

Come, come! It should go without saying that I realize that not *all* liberal women are braying battleaxes in Birkenstocks. Angelina Jolie proves that much, though, alas, Sheryl Crow (for example) does not.

Anonymous said...

It's good not to be threatened by liberals. I'm not threatened by conservatives - I enjoy talking with my conservative friends to see where they're coming from.

Yeah, I get that it's humor. We (liberals) certainly made Palin the butt of all of our jokes before the election. Some of them were pretty hilarious, but you probably didn't think so, in the same way that I didn't think most Obama humor was that funny.

One reason I love how the internet has impacted politics is that it makes your views available to someone like me - I normally wouldn't be on the same mailing lists, etc., so it's just been amazing to read the opposing side's writing this election season. I haven't read anything that would make me stop being a liberal democrat (and I can't imagine I ever would, like you probably wouldn't stop being a conservative), but I know my counterparts are out there - smart, reasonable people who are conservative republicans. I enjoy reading what they have to say. Anyway...thanks for the reasonable response!

Daniel Archer said...

You're quite welcome. While rhetoric can be an important part of strategy for both sides (rhetoric stokes the fires that need to "get lit" beneath the asses of constituents), it's far more important to realize that we must--for the good of the nation--agree to disagree...even if we disagree loudly, at times. There are already too many outside forces that would be quite willing to divide the citizens of the United States. It behooves the citizens themselves to certainly stand by their respective political opinions, while being mindful of the need to pull together in crisis. We're in one. Deep. Much of the ire coming from the right is due to the palpably outrageous levels of dirty attacks heaped upon Palin in every sphere, in comparison with other candidates. It's almost like a bashing, a mob mentality. It's a creepy liberal obsession, and if you don't believe me, just check out the governor on YouTube. I also think that a great many of those bashing Palin (at the street-level) are not even remotely political, themselves, but are irresponsible bandwagon-jumpers, if you will.

In any case, what happened to her highlights a potentially catastrophic divisiveness in the nation that is currently being far more exacerbated by the left. Most unfortunate. Elitism has absolutely no place in the fabric of American life, certainly not on such a widespread level--it's a cancer. I think Palin can effect the cure, and if the American left stops to actually ~listen~ to this woman RUN HER OWN campaign in four years, instead of screaming like ninnies, we'll find a great cure for the elitism dogging us in this very perilous hour. Happy Holidays and thanks for your comment.