ANALYZING A LIBERAL "COMMENT"

We at SarahPalinforPOTUS.blogspot.com were recently graced by the typically obsessive and fearful smatter of a liberal, one who was eager to strain various lies about Palin through the cheesecloth of his/her emoticon-propelled worldview.

Here's the comment:

Let's see: Outback beauty queen becomes mayor of one-horse town, then betrays her own friends and mentors to win the Governorship of a state with a smaller population than Allegheny County, PA...which she promptly turns into a socialist fiefdom living on oil company handouts.Plus, she's a babbling idiot and a Christian bigot.Dave's got this about right. She's not a "life example" -- she's a born punchline.

In an attempt to better grasp the (admittedly empty) mindset of shrieking liberal fruitbats, we assembled a team of world-renowned "personality profilers." These top-notch professionals dissected the comment above and rendered an analysis of the individual who proffered such bilge.

Please note: Our team of profilers stress that their conclusions, while entirely hypothetical, are nevertheless scientific and likely to be 100% accurate.

"Outback beauty queen becomes mayor of one-horse town..."

PROFILER NO. 1: This opening comment indicates that its writer is severely agoraphobic, with an uncontrollable fear of both wide-open spaces and small communities. In our studies, this sort of liberal is normally encountered in Berkeley studio-apartments, surrounded by communist pamphlets, empty bottles of Xanax, moldy bongs and scattered nipple-rings.

PROFILER NO. 2: Mention of the "mayor" betokens paranoid resentment of authority, while reference to the "beauty queen" means that this liberal is, in all probability, an exceptionally ugly female.

PROFILER NO. 3: I concur--a total dog. I would also suggest that an inordinate amount of facial hair is involved, due to the wildly fluctuating estrogen-levels known to afflict liberal women. Moreover, her emphasis upon the one horse, rather than several equines, makes it likely that this liberal would not at all mind being impaled upon the member of a particularly sizeable stallion.

PROFILER NO. 1: For sure.

"...then betrays her own friends and mentors..."

PROFILER NO. 2: This is a clear projection of the liberal's own neurotic disloyalties onto a national figure. Troubled, mousy women on the Left--as if there are any other kind--have a raging need to "transfer" in this way. Facinating, really.

PROFILER NO. 3: And I'd say that this liberal clearly slept with one of her own mentors because, let's face it, only liberals need mentors, or even use the word "mentor" without laughing uncontrollably. I'd say this mentor used her and cast her aside, tossed her away like the scruffy dishrag that she is.

PROFILER NO. 1: Yes, and she loved it. It provided an opportunity for additional self-loathing and, almost certainly, the thrill of an abortion.

PROFILER NO. 2: In fact, this whole line of text tells me that she aborted the baby herself and ate it in her studio-apartment, with ramen noodles, whilst watching David Letterman.

"...to win the Governorship of a state with a smaller population than Allegheny County..."

PROFILER NO. 1: My, she seems awfully obsessed with size.

PROFILER NO. 3: What do you expect? Liberal women unfailingly choose to be bedded by their doughy male counterparts on the Left.

PROFILER NO. 2: Yes, it's all quite conclusive--she was pummeled in Pennsylvania by a pint-sized pinhead with a pithy penis.

"...which she promptly turns into a socialist fiefdom living on oil company handouts..."

PROFILER NO. 3: Heavens. The subject has made a complete leap into delusion, here. It's amazing to just watch it take place like this. She seems to be projecting again. In this case, the Marxist Obama platform is being confused with Palin's solid conservative government of hard-working Alaskans. What a pity. Yet, it is indeed not rare to see this sort of extreme psychosis from the Hysterical Left.

PROFILER NO. 1: Indeed. The juxtaposition of "socialist fiefdoms" and "handouts" also tells me that this hippy-chick would be quite willing to have sex with multiple partners for pay.

PROFILER NO. 2: While dressed as a charwoman.

PROFILERS 1 & 3: She's a liberal female...she'd hardly have to "dress" as a charwoman.

PROFILER NO. 2: Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. Steady on.


"...Plus, she's a babbling idiot and a Christian bigot.Dave's got this about right. She's not a "life example" -- she's a born punchline..."

PROFILER NO. 1: Well, what can you say? My diagnosis is that the liberal woman who wrote this comment frequents dilapidated coffeeshops in North Beach, San Francisco. She is fond of wearing black leggings that haven't been washed in ages. She stamps expiration-dates on bags at a potato-chip factory, but tells her friends that she is a "graphic artist." She dreams of perhaps taking a class in sociology one day, and smells vaguely of cat-piss and marijuana. Nothing too unusual, basically, for a liberal female.

PROFILER NO. 3: Yes, but what if we're wrong and it's not a female liberal at all? What if it's a male liberal? Would the bits about the horse's schlong and the charwoman outfit still be applicable?

PROFILER NO. 2: The horse and the charwoman motifs would be even more applicable, if we're talking about a liberal male.

PROFILER NO. 1: And how.

(WE at SarahPalinforPOTUS would like to thank this esteemed panel of scientific experts for its outstanding contribution to the exposition and all-around flagellation of American Liberal Thought, AKA "Communism." Join us again soon for a plethora of insightful commentary and sharp political cartoonery. In the meantime...GO, Sarah, GO! 2012 awaits and we've got your back, Governor).